


Dirty

by LouHazz



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cheating, Dirty Diana, Fan - Freeform, Harry Styles - Freeform, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, Lust, M/M, Michael Jackson - Freeform, One Night Stand, Rock Star, Sex, Treason, cheat, dirty - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform, super star, unfaithful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-07 08:27:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4256406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LouHazz/pseuds/LouHazz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Disclamer : Michael Jackson wrote Dirty Diana, we didn't, obvisously.<br/>Other than that, the song mentioned by Harry is NOT suppose to exist. If it does, it has no affiliation to the known song whatsoever.</p><p>Sorry if there is any kind of spelling mistake or even grammar or anything, we are NOT Native speaking english so this is kind of a test for a translation job. </p><p>Enjoy :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dirty

My favorite part is also the most painful one. Sweat drips down my eyes and burns my contacts. I suppose the same thing happens to professional athletes when they run marathon or this kind of crap. In a few minutes, I’ll dry my face in a red towel and I’ll toss it to them. They’ll fight so they can have even a tiny piece of it. I never really understood that, even before I got signed and now, it’s even weirder. I can’t imagine that total strangers are keeping preciously some dirty piece of sponge with my sweat on it, like a relic of Mother Mary herself. But they say it’s good for business. For my image. Medias remember this kind of things. Faintings, fights for a piece of fabric, hysterical shrieks you can hear from outside. Fans queuing oustide for hours, days even, sometimes. Thanks to that kind of details, I was elected Best Male Artist at the Billboard Music Awards. My album is not even that great. Honestly, I’ve written better things, more emotional before I got signed. But it’s not what they ask me to do, so I give them what they want, and they pay me a lot and people love me. I could feel like I betrayed myself. I could say I wasn’t honest to my music. That I didn’t have the moral strengh to fight for what I believed in and that I was too attracted to easy money. But that’s not even true. I’m still writting this songs myself, anyway. I can allow myself a little less, sometimes. I mean, why not ? I still enjoy myself on stage, my musicians are amazing, we all get along, and the second album will be better anyway. Another strategy from my label. All the medias, like NME, not to name anyone who took me down when the album was out will change their mind. I understand them. They used to write about my EP’s and my small gigs in random London bars. Of course, they don’t see why I’m doing pop music now. It doesn’t fit. Well, it’s because I’m good looking. The label assumed I’d be more famous to young woman if I wrote pop music. They were right. I’m a freaking superstar now. And now that everybody loves me and that my fanbase is massive, I’ll do better music that more people will enjoy. That’s it. It’s that easy, according to them. We’ll see. I don’t even care about that. If I’m not famous anymore, all sudden, if all of this stops and never happens to me again, I won’t mind. I’ll be grateful for every second and I’ll still have Nick. 

My favorite part is also the most painful one. I don’t do stage dive, but I do got down near the pit and let them touch me. The girls all try to grab something. They pull my hair, my clothes, they scratched my skin. I bled, once. I love this part. I love being part of something so powerful. It’s very primitive. Everyone turns into an animal, just because they love me. They don’t know the slighest thing about me, but they love me. I can see them cry when I sing, I can hear it in their screams. They geniunly believe they love me even though I’m no one to them. No one real. Just an image they know, a voice they recognise. That’s insane and I love it. I know there’s someone out there loving me exactly for what I am. Nicholas does. No one knows about Nick and I obviously. No one knows I couldn’t care less about women. That it’s men I love. The fact that we hang out together so often is saved by the fact he works at my label. To their eyes, it makes sense. I couldn’t be gay anyway. Not with that look my eyes when I smile at my fans. Not with all the crazy rumors about the orgies in my hotel room. Not with the beautiful creatures I take to public events. But I am. I don’t mind having to hide it, for now. I know it’s all good fun. I know one day I’ll be the old guy who looks a little like someone who was famous for a while. I’m alright with that. I don’t wanna live forever. I’m 24 and I wanna have fun. And then, I’ll stop my music, I’ll come out and I’ll be with Nick. We’ll have a family and that is it. This is all I need and want, to be honest. I can feel someone grabing my necklace and pulling and I look down. I meet crazy blue eyes. Insanely blue. I’ve never seen any eyes so blue before. Nor so beautiful. I feel something in my stomach. Something they call butterflies in crappy romantic books. It’s not butterflies, it’s lust. I want those blue eyes, because they belong to some incredibly hot guy. He’s sweaty, his hair is wet, and his smile is wonderful. The hand on my necklace is still pulling and I don’t stop him. He can have it, I don’t care. When it breaks, so does our eye contact and I walk back on stage. When I try to catch another glance, I can’t find him anywhere. There’s just ladies, all over the place. No dude. Did I dream that ? But my neckclace is gone and the pain on my skin is real. I say the words I always say after encore, thank you so much, I love you all, this had been one of the greatest nights ever. Please give it up for Jean on guitare and Mike on drums and so on. Three minutes later, I’m throwing the towel, the bottles, the guitar plecs and everything I can throw. The guy is nowhere to be seen and I leave the stage for good.

I’m exhausted and I wish Nick was not in New York. He had a business meeting because he does work in the label and he does take care of other artists. I wish he was in my team, but I guess he’s too young and I’m too important. My hotel room is deseperatly empty and even though I can hardly keep my eyes open, I can’t seem to be able to fall asleep. I could just call room service and have a drink there, but it’s so lonely. No one guess how lonely we actually are when on the road. Even when you get along with your team, everyone’s tired and asleep and you just end up like the loneliest bastard ever. It doesn’t make so much sense, and it’s quite hard to adapt to. Two hours ago, I was a music god surrendered by beautiful women screaming my name and now I’m lying naked in my bed, in a huge suite that I don’t even need and I have no one. I’m all alone. I’d like to call Martha but she’s still in the UK and well, she’s working at this hour. She’d pick up and say she can’t talk and I’d feel even lonelier. I jump out of bed and put some clothes back on to get a drink at the bar downstairs. I least, there’ll be noises, people, life. I became addicted to life. I can’t stand silence anymore. I used to be a quiet boy. Discreet and all. I could spend hours by myself. Not anymore. Being on my own scares me shitless and I have no idea why. I wrote a song about it. Take me through the night. People think it’s about a love story. It’s not. It’s about being lonely and scared. But how could they know ?

There isn’t much people down at the bar, but it’s better than my room. To be fair, it’s quite late and we’re on a week night. Through the tainted glass, I can see some of my fans waiting for me outside on the pavement. Some of them even try to come in, dressed as if they were rich and famous, but if you don’t have a room key, don’t even bother. I’d go out if I was allowed. I’m not. My body guards are sleeping and I can’t go anywhere outside on my own. Other side of the coin, I guess. I drink down my whisky pretty fast and get another. I should get drunk. I’d sleep if I was drunk. 

“Hi.”

My head turns to the voice. It’s him. The guy from the gig. He’s sitting at the bar a couple of seats away, drinking what looks like a vodka and apple. He is talking to me. Now, I’m kinda scared. Is he one of the those stalkers ? What does he want from me ? He stole my necklace and no matter how blue and beautiful his eyes are, this freaking scary.

“Hi.  
\- I’m Louis.  
\- Nice to meet you.  
\- You too.  
\- …  
\- …   
\- …  
\- How are you ?  
\- I can’t sleep.  
\- Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.  
\- Nevermind.  
\- …  
\- …  
\- I’ve got something of yours.  
\- What ?”

I don’t even have time to move, my necklace ends up in front of me. He’s giving it back.

“I’m sorry I took it. I dunno why I’ve done that.  
\- What ?  
\- It’s just… My sister is a huge fan and she’s sick and I though she’d be happy to have it. And then I realised it was just freeky and weird and I’m sorry. I must have hurted you.  
\- It’s fine. You can keep it. For your sister.  
\- She won’t even believe it’s yours, anyway.  
\- What about we take a picture so you can prove it ?  
\- You’d do that ?”

He sounds truly amazed. I know I don’t look like it, but I’m a nice guy. I grew up in a tiny town in Great Britain and I still have the values my mom taught me. I still believe I can do things to help other people and giving my necklace to some sick fan is really not a big deal. 

“Sure, come here.”

He gets closer and pulls out a phone from his tight jeans. I can’t even believe how hot those jeans are. I feel like a bloody teenage boy back with hormones overflowing my brain. What’s getting into me ? When my hand lands on his waist, I shiver. I can smell his scent now that he’s next to me. A mix of cigaret, cologne and dry sweat. I have to fight back my arousal. If I had one more drink, I know I’d have a boner by now. This didn’t not happen to me since… Forever. I’m in a relationship. I’m a freaking rock star. He’s here for his sister anyway. He’s not even a fan, I’m sure. He looks like he’s 18 top anyway. A voice in my head says 18 is legal and I shiver again. What’s wrong with me ? I feel like an animal and it doesn’t make any sense at all. Louis takes the picture. He’s smiling on it, and he looks amazing. I can’t help but noticing the lines around his eyes when he smiles and the fact that they’re almost closed when he does so. 

“Well, thanks. That’s so cool. She’ll be delighted.  
\- Do you want an autograph ?  
\- You don’t mind ?  
\- No, of course not. What’s her name ?  
\- Diana.”

And here I am, signing my coaster with a “Diana, thanks for being a fan. Get well soon. H.” This is unreal. I don’t offer autographs. I’m a nice guy, I said that before but I hate signing stuff. It seems so… pretentious to me that people would get crazy over a piece of paper with my name on it. I don’t even understand the towel thing but at least they get a bit of my DNA. I dunno, I just feel like signings are overated and I don’t want to think I’m so special I’m allowed to just sign something.

“Well I leave you to it then. I guess I’ll try the pool up there. It’s propably empty at this time.  
\- It’s probably forbidden as well.  
\- Oh well, I’ll live dangerously for once. Tonight’s a crazy night so…”

And he’s just gone. Once again, it feels like all of this was just a dream. Something I imagined so I wouldn’t feel so lonely anymore. But I’m not crazy. I don’t think I’m crazy. My hands are shaking for no reason and the lust monster is back in my gutts. I need another drink. And probably another after that.

After five whiskies, it seemed like the best idea ever to check the pool on the roof as well. I wanted to see Louis again. My brain was foggy and the only thing I could focuse on was the idea of his wet hair again. Just like when I was on stage. I get in the elevator and press the P button for Patio. Everything is dark and empty up there. Hotel people are gone and the Patio bar is obviously closed. But the door to the roof is slightly open and I get in quietly. The lights of the city lay down before my eyes. No matter how rich you get and how many hotels you visit, Los Angeles lights from a rooftop are always breath taking. 

“Here you are.”

The voice makes me shiver again. Did he put a spell on me or something ? 

“Here I am.   
\- Too hot, were you ?”

For a second, I think he saw my arousal downstairs and I blush. I thank God for the dark to hide my redden cheeks. And then I realise he’s mentioning the 32°C night we’re experiencing.

“Kinda, yet.   
\- Join me, the water’s fine.  
\- I dunno if I… can.  
\- Why not ? I am naked, but it’s pretty dark.”

This time, I can’t quite control my boner. It’s there and it’s propably visible. I sit as fast as I can manage on the concrete floor by the water and try to act as normal as I can. 

“Well no, thanks, I’m a bit shy.  
\- Shy ? Now that I don’t believe.  
\- You should, don’t believe the papers.”

He laughs and I feel like I’m dying for good. He sounds like a child when he laughs and he looks even younger. God damnit, this is so wrong, I’m no even sure he’s legal now. 

“Fine, whatever suits you.” he says before diving underwater. I stay out of the pool and wait. Three seconds later, I’ve taken my decision and I tear appart the clothes still on my body and jumps into the water. It’s cool and fresh and it helps a little. When Louis comes up the surface, he’s smiling again.

“Changed your mind ?  
\- I thought, live a little, you know.”

I want to make him laugh like this for the rest of my days. I’d say the stupidest things just to hear that magnificent sound. I’m defenitly not thinking straight anymore. I forgot about everything, and I realise this is exactly what I want. I want to forget who I am. I want to forget about Nick and my contract, and my career, my friends, my family. About the medias and what they’ll write if such a story is known. I want to live a little. I want to give in to him. I want him to be mine, just for tonight, or forever, I’ll take whatever he’ll give me. So I swim up to him. He doesn’t move a muscle. He just leans against the pool wall and seems to wait for me. His eyes are clearly teasing right now and I understand he wants it to. He knows. He probably knew before. Some people do ask questions sometimes, because I do look kinda gay eventually. I am standing in front of him now and I just want to touch his skin. Even if the subdue lights, he looks taned and muscly. I want it. I want him.

His lips are warm and wet and his tongue slides in my mouth without hesitation. He knows what we’re doing and he knows where this will lead. He’s not just a tease. He’s gonna go all the way. I touch him now. My hands are on his hips and this is exactly what I thought it was going to feel like. I love it. I want more and it scares me to death. Can I do something like that ? Am I allowed, as a person, as a lover, as a singer ? I have no idea what I can or cannot do and I’ve never been that confused in my entire life. I pull back and I sight.

“What’s wrong ?  
\- I’m sorry Louis, I can’t do this.  
\- Oh ok… I’m sorry. I didn’t… I’ll leave you alone for good now.  
\- No. Just… Stay ok ? I came up here tonight and I shouldn’t have kissed you. It’s not your fault. I’m with someone.  
\- Oh… right. Male or female ?  
\- I’m not suppose to say.   
\- Ok male. I thought so.”

He did know. Somehow, this doesn’t frightens me. It’s even reasurring. I’m not fooling everyone and some people do see me the way I am. It was pretty hard coming out as a teenager and sometimes, it gets frustrating to hide it. I always find ways to stay positive about it and Nick helps a lot. It’s a bad thing for a good one, he says. I believe him. But the fact that Louis knows makes me feel good. It makes me feel like I’m myself. He swims away from me and leans back on the wall a few meters away. 

“So you’re in a suite ?  
\- I am indeed.  
\- God, that must be cool. I’ve always wondered what a suite looks like.  
\- I could show you.”

I regret my words immediatly as much as I love them. I do want to take him to my room, but I know there’ll be no turning back after that. He knows it too.

“You would ?  
\- Sure, why not.”

This is it. This is happening.

*

As soon as the door has closed behind us, I jump on his lips and I’m all over him. I’m taking off the wet clothes he put back on his wet skin in a hurry three minutes earlier and now, I can see everything. I love what I see. Our kisses get urgent, passionate, devouring. I want him all over me, his lips everywhere. I grab his hand and push him towards the bed. He lays down and draws me to him. He’s astride me and I can feel the muscles on his back under my hands. Maybe he’s older than he looks. I don’t care anymore. I don’t even care about Nick, he did not even called tonight and he was supposed to. He promised and he didn’t. So why should I care ? For all I know, he’s doing the exact same thing on the other side of the country. I’m so unfair. I know nothing like that is happening. I’m the one being an unfaithful dick. I love him. I do love him so terribly much and I cannot do this to him. This whole thing was a huge mistake but it’s not too late. I was wrong, there is a turning back.

“Louis I can’t do this.  
\- It’s fine, I won’t tell.”

His breath is jerky and heavy and I don’t think anyone has ever been so hot. 

“No it’s not, I can’t betray him like this…  
\- Do you want me ?  
\- I do. You’re really beautiful and I do want you, but this would be so wrong.  
\- Harry, don’t think.  
\- I can’t…  
\- I don’t care what you say, I wanna do this. I want it and you want it. No one has to know.  
\- It’s really wrong.  
\- It’ll do whatever you want. Whatever. I’m yours all night long.”

The look in his eyes is so powerful when the words slip out of his mouth I can’t contain myself. I’m an animal and I kiss him again, with more passion I’ve ever had in my entire life. Louis gets down on me and takes me in his mouth. The warmth is overwhelming. When he starts to move, I can’t hold my moans back. I don’t think anyone has ever taking me so deep. I feel dirty and I love it. I’ve never felt so good in my entire life. It’s better than anything I’ve ever known. Better than music, than stage, than fans, than Nick, than drugs, than alcoohol, than peanut butter and jelly, than chocolate, better than all the other laids I’ve ever had. I don’t want this to end, and I don’t stop it.

I’ve made love to him all night. I don’t even think I can talk about love. Of course I can’t, even though I’ve loved him more than anyone in my entire life tonight. But if I’m completly honest, I have to say I fucked him all night. I came inside him more than I can recall. I was unstoppable and he didn’t stop me either. I’ve never had so much sex with anyone in just one night. I’m a pretty simple kind of guy. After I come, the boner’s gone and I sleep. End of story until next time. But this was unreal. I was ready to go again and again and again all night long and I did and it felt incredible. The guilt deep within me made it even better. I’m not gonna find any excuses and say I was too drunk to realise. That’s not true. I did drink a lot, but I remember every second. I realised everything I was doing and it pleased me more than I could ever know. We did it everywhere. The whole suite welcomed our sweaty bodys and the screams out of us. I gave him more than I ever gave anyone and in the end, I fell back on the bed while the sun was getting up behind Bevely Hills, Louis in my arms and my heart pounding.

 

I woke up with a ringtone and the feeling I’d been asleep only for a few minutes, but considering last night exercices, that’s not that surprising. Louis was not in my arms anymore and was putting his clothes back on. He jumped on his phone and picked it up as fast as I could and whispered.

“Yeah ?... Yes. Yes, I’m telling you ! I’ve done it Asha. I’ve got proof anyway. I do. Yes I know ! I’ll see you soon I’m on my way.”

He laughed again but this time, it didn’t feel so good. My insides froze immediatly. I pretended to be asleep when he hung up his mobile and put his shoes on. About half a minute later, the door of the suite closed and he was gone. I opened my eyes immediatly. What had just happened ? And then, I realised everything. The ringtone was the best explanation I could get. I knew the song but I did not quite recognised it immediatly. Now it makes some much sense. Dirty Diana. The whole thing was a lie. No sister. No sickness. The whole plan was to do me. Was it a bet ? I don’t even wanna know. I’ve never felt so dirty in my life and nausea is clasping me. I run in the shower and try to get rid of the last traces of his passage in my life. But I know I can’t. This time, there is really no turning back, Jackson was right. The whole song is going trough my head when I suddenly realise something.

“And than I ran to the phone, saying baby I’m alright. I said but unlock the door, cause I forgot the key, she said ‘He’s not coming back cause he’s sleeping with me’.”

I run to my phone too with a terrible feeling pulsing through my whole body. In the message application, the last text was to Nick. With shaky hands, I opened it. There it was. A picture of me sleeping, naked, and Louis smiling to the camera, hanging over me.


End file.
